The Church of Jesus Christ of Even More Latter Day Saints
The Church of Jesus Christ of Even More Latter Day Saints.
God told me that I was right...so I'm right.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Even More Latter Day Saints.
Wow, the Lord commanded that I don't even need to preach anything about this. I found this article online and I have linked the title of this post back to the article. It's kind of infuriating actually...
We do not catch diseases. We build them. We have to eat, drink, think, and feel them into existence. We work hard at developing our diseases. We must work just as hard at restoring health. The presence of germs does not constitute the presence of a disease. Bacteria are scavengers of nature...they reduce dead tissue to its smallest element. Germs or bacteria have no influence, whatsoever, on live cells. Germs or microbes flourish as scavengers at the site of disease. They are just living on the unprocessed metabolic waste and diseased, malnourished, nonresistant tissue in the first place. They are not the cause of the disease, any more than flies and maggots cause garbage. Flies, maggots, and rats do not cause garbage but rather feed on it. Mosquitoes do not cause a pond to become stagnant! You always see firemen at burning buildings, but that doesn't mean they caused the fire...
Traditional Western medicine teaches and practices the doctrines of French chemist Louis Pasteur (1822-1895). Pasteur's main theory is known as the Germ Theory Of Disease. It claims that fixed species of microbes from an external source invade the body and are the first cause of infectious disease. The concept of specific, unchanging types of bacteria causing specific diseases became officially accepted as the foundation of allopathic Western medicine and microbiology in late 19th century Europe. Also called monomorphism,(one-form), it was adopted by America's medical/industrial complex, which began to take shape near the turn of the century. This cartel became organized around the American Medical Association, formed by drug interests for the purpose of manipulating the legal system to destroy the homeopathic medical profession.
Controlled by pharmaceutical companies, the complex has become a trillion-dollar-a-year business. It also includes many insurance companies, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), hospitals, and university research facilities. The microbian doctrine gave birth to the technique of vaccination that was blindly begun in 1796 by Edward Jenner. Jenner took pus from the running sores of sick cows and injected it into the blood of his "patients." Thus was born a vile practice (immunization/vaccination) whose nature has changed little to this day, and whose understanding is still clouded by Pasteur's theory. This also gave birth to the development of antibiotics, the first being penicillin in 1940. An antibiotic is the poisonous waste from one germ used in the attempt to kill another. Penicillin is the poison from a fungus. This has created the proliferation of aggressive and stubborn forms of resistant strains that haunt us today.
The Rife Universal Microscope, developed in the late 1930's and early 1940's, clearly established that germs (microorganisms) are the result of disease (scavengers of dead cells) rather than the cause thereof. If germs are involved, they arise as primary symptoms of that general condition. Though germs don't cause disease, secondary symptoms are produced in response to their activity (commonly called the disease). One reason the conventional medical community doesn't see the big picture is their means of looking at it. A lot depends on how you look at it and what you look at it with.
In the 3rd Edition, Basic Histology, Junqueira & Carneiro, 1980, we discover the limitations of the electron microscope in that the electron beam demands the use of very thin tissue sections enclosed in a high vacuum. The authors of these requisites state on page 9: "These conditions preclude the use of living material...and...The electron beam on an object can damage it and produce unwanted changes in tissue structures. They take a living, changing scene (the blood), and disorganize it, by staining the blood sample. They then take a snapshot of this disorganized situation and interpret it as the entire story. During the study and interpretation of stained tissue sections in microscope preparations, the observed product is the end result of a series of processes that considerably distort the image observable in the living tissue, mainly through shrinking and retraction. It has been suggested in the past that the electron-microscopic specks identified as viruses could, more than likely, be nothing more than particles of lifeless, degraded protein--disintegrated peptides from cellular death--catabolic residues of cytoplasm, or repair proteins produced by the cells in response to the imbalanced biological terrain. It has been reported by researchers searching for the hypothetical "elusive virus," that viruses can "mimic" human tissue! They are human tissue.
According to a recent study, America is on the religious straight and narrow. Before long, we will reject the law of gravity and replacing it with intelligent falling. Next comes the speed of light as the Divine Speed of Intelligence. But first, evolution...
A Gallup Poll released Wednesday suggests about 53 percent of Americans rejects the theory of evolution as the explanation for the origin of humans.Thank heavens! This is just the beginning, soon we will amass a great army of Christians to overthrow the rule of Satan's science. We will rule the world with our divine mission and dominance of faith over critical thinking! Our lack of logical reflection will shine evidently as our congregation follows blindly the words of the Lord. Through this our faith is shown.
Instead, they believe God created humans at one time as they are today, the survey showed.
About 31 percent of respondents said they believe humans evolved, but God guided the process. Only 1.2 percent said they believe Darwin's scientific theory of evolution where God had no part.
Researchers said people with lower levels of education, those who attend church regularly, those who are 65 or older and those who identify with the Republican Party are more likely to believe in the biblical story of the origin of humans.
The poll was conducted in September but no margin of error figures or other information was available.
Brokeback Mountain, it won countless academy awards for best in show among others. But is it a story of love, perseverance, and freedom's reign? Or is it a movie carefully timed and executed by one of the craftiest individuals ever to serve Satan himself?
Heavenly Father has commanded me to introduce a document written by a wonderfully enlightened man. This document tells of the trials and tribulations of all Christians in the world today.
More Christians died for their faith in the twentieth century than at any other time in history, says Christian Solidarity International. Global reports indicate that over 150,000 Christians were martyred last year, chiefly outside of the United States. However, statistics are changing: persecution of Christians is on the increase in the United States.
Even a casual observance of the facts reveals growing isolation of Christians as a people group, especially school age believers. Faculty and peer efforts to convince public school children that America was not founded on Christian ideals, and that our forefathers actually wanted a secular society, permeates public school interaction. History revisionists labor to eliminate any and all contradictory historical evidence from public school curriculum, and mockingly stereotype Christians as unenlightened fringe.
Censoring the Christian model and denigrating biblical values has resulted in a generation where every day in the United States:
• 437 children are arrested for drinking or drunk driving
• 211 children are arrested for drug abuse
• 1,629 children are in adult jails
• 30 children are wounded by guns
• 10 children are killed by guns
• 135,000 children bring a gun to school
Social scientists claim this generation's inability to define absolutes, and a growing pattern of anti-Christian behavior, may ultimately result in the collapse of the American superstructure, as situation ethics, AIDS and other forms of sexually transmitted diseases, the redefining of the family unit, and other abandonments of biblical standards of morality come to their dangerous and natural conclusion.
The topic of self abortion has come up, and I have been instructed to reveal what the Lord has to say.
No, and Christians aren't really Christians either. They pretend to believe in Christ but it's not the real Christ. I know this because our church is God's only true church. Therefore, we are the only true worshippers of Christ. Anyway, back to homophobia.
In response to the recent concerns about the environment and over population, the EMLDS church has come up with an official stance on the debate. Verily the Lord has instructed my to pass the following message on.
The Lord has commanded me to warn you about posting any more spammings on this blog. Comments are ok, but when you spam, it makes it harder for people to read the comments. I propose a peace treaty between us.
This is an interesting term..."kelifinder" is an English slang word for "house-finder" in Spanish. This is a company that apparently gives away free shoes and helps people find a house. A fellow blogger posed the question, why don't they use their own language for the name of their business. I agree.
Among people who pretend not to hate and judge others, Mormons are about the most hypocritical. I just read an article posted by the Vancouver Sisters that warns about a car break in while they were at church. I will post their article and comments so that I can destroy their posting with my deadly logic.
Title: WARNING: Car Break-In at the Church
Sadly, criminals are snooping in our cars while we're attending church meetings. A MC ward sister had her car broken into during Sacrament meeting today. She had unfortunately left her purse in the car. Among her losses were $300 she was going to use to purchase food storage items. Please make sure that while you're at the church, you take valuables with you.
That is just so wrong. They know what people are doing on a Sunday, at church, and they just don't care. GRRRRR.
The Lord hath reavelethed to me that thereunto we read too manyeth books. Even unto these latter days the Lord hath given me this commandment. I will translate:
This morning I awoke to find Portman Rockwell standing over me with this drawing. He said it came from God in a dream. He told me to release this drawing to all true believers. I think it represents his sins, so I sent him back down to the basement to repent. He will endure three days without food to cleanse him of his demonic possession. I can hear him crying, but don't take this as a sign of weakness. The demon is strong with him. If anyone can turn this demon off, it is him. But keep Portman in your prayers tonight for he would do the same for you.
To the left on the sidebar is a poll asking whether or not you think this site is a parody. Please, take your time to vote on it. The results will help me determine where this site goes in the future.
I know it sounds weird, but the Lord has just informed me that some members of our congregation are performing acts of thought. Let me state this again for all new members to this church. Thought and intellect was invented by Satan to keep the masses doubting God. If you ever feel like you are going to think, don't.
The Price is wrong...sinner. Some people out there might be scared that some day Karl Marx's theory of social change and equitable distribution may come true. I am here to settle this debate once and for all.
Lately there has been a lot of talk on the web about Microsoft testing and prototyping a new "all in one" device called Origami. Technorati has even listed "origami" as a top search for this month. The Device itself should be able to fold into a digital camera, smart phone, video camcorder, MP3 audio player, PDA, Internet access, and email device/video conferencing terminal. However, with all the buzz nobody seems to be pointing out that this device will be closed source and therefore...evil.
War causes so many problems. It destroys a countries infrastructure, it’s only economically profitable if you’re the invading country, and it largely remains unregulated. That is why the Lord has suggested we fight our wars differently.
Recently, one of our church members was unclear about our church's stance on abortion, I'd like to clear things up.
Is homosexuality an acceptable lifestyle in the The Church of Jesus Christ of Even More Latter Day Saints?
Members Beware, Thursday Thirteen is a sin. The Lord has instructed me to warn members about this little conspiracy. On the outside it looks as if this is a harmless activity but secretly the Devil is collecting this information for her own gain.
Thirteen Things about Elohimus Maximus
1. I am a Prophet.
2. You can barely stand up to me.
3. I am not female.
4. I am not ethnic.
5. My skills are more honed than Mohammad Ali's.
6. Angels danced the day I was born.
7. Every night before I go to bed, I dance a jig.
8. My bed time is 10:00PM
9. I never get mad.
10. I don't like people...only souls.
11. I think thursday thirteen is a sin.
12. I am a debate master.
Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)
Good morning children of God. I’ll jump right into it:
|Illegal immigrants||Our economy wouldn’t function without them. They provide a threat to the middle class that things can always get worse.|
|Google Censorship in China||God approved their censorship, the less sin people have access to, the less they will sin.|
|China||Needs to either be “preemptively” struck, taken back to the stone age, or converted to the EMLDS church before they overtake this country in world domination and power.|
|Stem Cell Research||Let the sinners do their research and provide ground breaking medical therapy. They’re gonna do it anyway.|
|Curling||The Almighty has announced there shall be no more curling of any kind televised at the Olympics. It’s always on, and He wants people to watch bobsledding and aerial competitions.|
There have been some rumors out there circulating around that this church does not exist. Moreover, I have been informed that on at least one sinner's blog the notion has been circulated that Portman Rockwell does not exist. For the sake of this church and true believers everywhere I would like to dispel these rumors once and for all.
I have recently learned of a surge in hits to this site from a country called Singapore.
Youtube. First off, I would like to say to everyone reading this, that I will never delete a comment on my site. So I invite you to share your opinion and express my gratitude to those who do. However, if you would like to share anything that disagrees with my opinion of things, just know that God is infallible.
Tammy Nap…more like Tammy Satan. This morning at six o'clock God awoke me in my slumber to warn me of a grave danger that our church members face in these latter of days. I have been informed of a certain Tammy video online that is being distributed via the blogging network that depicts a girl named tammy nyp (I won't pay respect to her by capitalizing her name) and her boyfriend having sex.
If you log on to the official LDS Church website, I guarantee that you won't be able to find anything about African Americans, other than the short passage that says they are eligible to join the Church. Why is this? What's more, why do they need to mention African Americans at all? Oh, sit down...this is rich.
2 Nephi 5:21
"21 And He had caused a cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity. For behold, they had hardened their hears against him, that they had become like unto a flint; wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them.
22 And thus saith the Lord God: I will cause that they shall be loathsome unto thy people, save they shall repent of their iniquities.
23 And cursed shall be the seed of him that mixeth with their seed; for they shall be cursed even with the same cursing. And the Lord spake it, and it was done.
24 And because of their cursing which was upon them they did become and idle people, full of mischief and subtlety, and did seek in the wilderness for beasts of prey.
25 And the Lord God said unto me: They shall be a scourge unto thy seed, to stir them up in remembrance of me: and inasmuch as they will not remember me, and hearken unto my words, they shall scourge them even unto destruction."
Faithful members, as you are most undoubtedly aware, our congregation is experiencing a financial crisis. If we do not receive funds soon, our charge against Satan and his minions will have to be suspended. However, The Lord hath provided us with hope! Listen:
I'll tell you what "Brrreeeport" is, it's a conspiracy by Satan to distract the masses from the true issues. Why aren't people asking "what is global warming, and how is it another tool of the antichrist to make us believe in science?"
Look, as an American and a Christian, I feel it is my duty to spread the word of God among heathen bigots who are currently on the bullet train to Hell. Some people may unrealistically judge me and say that I represent what is wrong with society today. They say, "if we could all just be willing to understand our differences the world would be a lot better off."
Recently, I had a debate with the most acclaimed scientist on this planet...God. I argued a case for global warming and this was God's witty and charming response:
Earlier in the week, I was instructed by God to search eBay. The Almighty told me that I must search until I find what He wishes me to. I would like to announce that I have found it.
The Lord has finally shed some light on a problem for many of our non-believer skeptics. They point out that if our church is the only true one, then what about all the people in the world today that will die before they ever hear about us? This brings up an interesting point, what happens to these people? Are they forced to spend eternity in hell because they weren't born in the right place at the right time?
Let me start off by saying that last night I endured 3 hours of wrath from God for all you quasi-Christians out there. You know who you are...you curse, drink and have sex with women, and then assume that you can repent for it all on Sunday when you go to church! You are the same people who get embarrassed by True Christians for expressing their beliefs by going door to door and asking people to repent. You are embarrassed to stand up for your beliefs in front of atheists and non-Christians when you are outnumbered. You are wavering in your faith and borderline heathen.
God has instructed me that now is the time for the only true church to start taking control of the chaos that is our world today.
Even this came as a surprise to me. God wrote his true believers a poem, it is up to you to decipher its own special meaning and glory that is it:
There is a debate raging in this country over whether to add "Intelligent Design" and other Creationistic theories into our education system as legitimate counters to weak theories like evolution. I will settle this debate once and for all.
The Lord Hath Revealed unto us a sacred ceremony that we shall partake in to increase our spirituality and increase our knowledge of the Lord.
Well I haven't had a revelation for a while because God had nothing to say to us...he was disappointed in Kanye West for saying that George Bush doesn't care about black people. Of course he cares about black people, they make great soldiers in his armies to conquer far away lands (sarcasm). God also wanted us to remind the Mormons of one of their many sinful and ignorant scriptures.
In 2nd Nephi 5:15 the Lord states "And he had caused the cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity. For behold, the had hardened their hearts against him, that they had become like unto a flint; wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them."
This revelation has come as a shock to even me! However, our Lord of Hosts is never wrong, therefore I must report some sad news. This is the commandment that will change our world forever:
Dear wonderful patrons and souls of our most heavenly church. I elohimus am not proud to admit that I have been a bit busy and have not been able to post as regularly as I would like. However, this only proves further that our faith is the only true faith in existence today. I am not paid by our wonderful church and am forced to go to college to earn a degree so that I may make a lot of money.